Update

As you may recall from a previous post, I vowed to start tracking what I eat, take pictures of myself through the process and measure myself. I have just completed my first week and I have stuck to all my resolutions. I have to say that weighing in on Sunday sucks. I spent Saturday night sitting around because I did not want to go out and ruin all my hard work for the week. Next Sunday I will be in Colorado Springs so I will not be able to weigh in (more on the trip in a minute). The results of tracking, weighing in on Sunday and taking pictures of myself have been good. I am down 6.6 pounds and 4.5 inches overall. This is the result that I was hoping for. My first mini goal is approximately 6.4 pounds away. I would like to get to this weight by summer. The real summer, not the one we are currently experiencing :).

I have a rough few weeks ahead of me weight loss wise. My last day at Wausau Manor was on Friday and I do not start at the new facility until April 11th. As you all know, I thrive on routine. I also do not do well sitting around the house. I have already went grocery shopping for this week and I didn't buy anything that would lead my astray. On Thursday, March 29th I will be flying out to Colorado Springs to visit my good friend Brionne. I will be there until Monday (I arrive back in Wausau on Monday night). When I am away from home I tend to eat more and this concerns me. Of course, I want to try the local stuff but I need to make sure that I do not go overboard. I did well when we went on the cruise a year ago. I think I gained about 2-3 pounds which I didn't think was bad since I was surrounded by buffets and food everywhere. I really need to tell myself that the reward is the time with my good friend and seeing a new place. I need to listen to my body and eat when I am hungry. And if that were easy for me I wouldn't overweight :). I plan to stay on track throughout the week and workout Sunday (done)-Thursday to help counter any treats that I might have while I am out there. I will let you all know how it goes.

Sunday, bloody Sunday.

I have been lax in my tracking my eating lately which has led to a plateau. Anyone on my facebook page knows that I have been working out like crazy. I am proud of this. I am actually sitting here today feeling bad that I am not going to run. I cannot even tell you the last day that I didn't work out (I just checked and it was Thursday, February 23rd). Mind you, I plan to take a walk in this beautiful weather. Besides, my knee has been bugging me and I probably should rest it by doing something less strenuous. I digress. ANYWAY, with that kind of working out (running, boxing, weightlifting) I should be losing weight. I am sure you can all figure out that I am writing this because I haven't been losing weight. I know that it all comes down to my eating. Food is my drug. I turn to it for all matters. I lose control around it. I wish that I could have candy/chocolate/cake/sweets in the house and be able to eat a normal amount and forget about it. I wish that I didn't like to go out to eat so much. I also wish that I could feel good ordering healthy food at a restaurant. Mind you, I have made some gains in the eating department. I can no longer eat at most fast food burger joints. I also have lost all cravings for doughnuts (I don't like how I feel after eating doughnuts or fast food).

I like to polish things off. If we have cookies I feel like I need to eat them all as quickly as possible. I cannot stop thinking about them until they are gone. I just polished off the leftover rice krispy treats. I wasn't even hungry! Speaking of, I like to eat. It doesn't matter if I am hungry. To make matters worse, I very rarely feel full.

I still have some weight to lose. Ideally, I would like to lose another 40 pounds. In order to this I need to get my eating under control. I am proud that I have exercising under control. This will be my toughest struggle yet. I continue to subscribe to Weight Watchers online. I plan to start tracking my points and actually writing down what I eat. I also plan to weigh in on Sundays. I tend to eat terribly during the weekends and I hope that weighing in on Sundays will help to curb that bad habit. I also plan to buy a measuring tape and start taking measurements as well as weekly pictures. I am going to do some reading this weekend to encourage good eating. I plan to put this all in place this Sunday 3/18/12. It is written here so that I hold myself accountable. Please feel free to assist me in this. I am not looking for 100% accuracy as that would be setting myself up for failure. Ultimately, I need to find happiness in things not related to food. I need to create a different relationship with food. This will be tough stuff.

I welcome your feedback.

The mirror

For most of my life the mirror has been enemy #1. Pictures are enemy #2. You would not believe the things that come out of my mouth when I look at pictures of myself or in the mirror. I am terrible. I find this funny because if someone spoke to me like that I would slap them. On Sunday I took a ballroom dancing class with some friends. The studio had a big gigantic mirror in it that I was forced to look into. For once in a long time I did not criticize. I did not hate what I saw. I actually liked the image being projected back in the mirror. It was a huge day for me. I just thought I would share :).

Quote

I saw this quote today and I wanted to share it. I feel like I need to make it my mantra. Here it is:

"Take all the time you need to heal emotionally. Moving on doesn’t take a day; it takes lots of little steps to be able to break free of your broken self. Never let a bad day make you feel like you have a bad life. Just because today is a painful doesn’t mean tomorrow won’t be great. You just got to get there. The best things usually happen when you least expect it. So try to smile in the mean time. Not because life has been easy, perfect, or exactly as you had anticipated, but because you choose to be happy and grateful for all the good things you do have and all the problems you know you don’t have." – via: http://www.marcandangel.com/

Changes

Things are changing in my life and I hope that they are for the better. I accepted a new position last Friday. The district manager feels that I will have more then enough hours. She actually feels like she could easily support another position. I toured the facility and it is really nice. The staff seemed really great. The kicker? It is in Marshfield. I will now be commuting daily. I am excited about more hours but I am really worried about how I am going to balance that with my exercise routine. I don't want exercise to fall to the wayside because of my additional hours. However, working less hours has not been great for me either. I get home and guess what I do? Eat! I'm bored and so I revert back into that old habit. I know that being busy with work will help limit that habit immensely.

Due to the fact that I will be commuting we are looking for a new place further south. I-hate-moving but I need to do what makes the most sense. We are looking at a place tomorrow and I hope it pans out because in order to move in by April 1st I need to give notice by March 1st.

We are also going to buy a new car. We have decided to purchase a Toyota Prius. I think it makes the most sense with gas mileage, etc. I spoke to a coworker that has a 2008 Prius. She has taken it through mountains, Alaska (the same road the ice truckers use), Wyoming, etc. She had no complaints about how it handles in the winter. She has also only had to pay for oil changes and new tires. No other maintenance has been required. Now, I need to come up with a price that I am willing to pay.

I continue to do well with exercising. I still attend the kickboxing class (Tuesdays and most Thursdays) and zumba (Wednesdays). I also try to run at least 1-2 times per week. I started a strength and conditioning class on Mondays and attend an additional zumba class on Saturdays. Next week my usual zumba class is switching to Mondays so I will be going to strength and conditioning first and then head to zumba after. Despite all of this exercise I have not lost 1 pound in over 6 months. Can you guess where I keep slipping up? Eating. It is incredibly frustrating that food is my drug of choice and I am surrounded by it. I know if I could get that one little piece together I would be blazing the pounds off. Like I said before, hopefully being at home less will help me to curb some of my habits.

Wish me luck in all of this change. Hopefully, it is the change I have been hoping for.

Soon!

I will update soon. I promise! I really do not have anything new and exciting to post but I will try to come up with something. Thank you to Holly for reminding me :).

Bring on the suck

Well, as I have been alluding to on facebook, things have not been so great in the world of Jennie lately. I have recently went down to 4 days a week due to low census at my building (and lack of seniority). I don't necessarily mind 4 day work weeks but I need to work more than 20-25 hours a week. I found a PRN job that I hoped would supplement the reduction of hours. However, the Monday before Christmas I was told that now my boss also has to treat 8-10 hours a week. Due to the fact that I am low man on the totem pole it is my hours that will be cut. You do the math. To add insult to injury I also had to sign a stupid form regarding my productivity. Folks, I don't sit around at work. I do what I am told and try to provide the best patient care that I can. However, this is unimportant to the company. Unfortunately, this stupid form basically stated that if I don't improve to the standard put into place (which in my opinion and the opinions of many of my coworkers is too high) I could receive further disciplinary action up to and including termination. I received this news on Tuesday. When I started with this company I felt like they really valued their employees. I felt like I was appreciated and treated well. I felt like the company cared for the patients. Then, we had some management changes and Medicare changes and everything changed. May I also point out that our building is financially above plan by thousands of dollars and has been for the year? Doesn't matter.

I will not return to work until 1/9/12 which will hopefully give me some time to get things figured out. This was not really a planned vacation but since I was working at the other place I gave up those days at my normal job so my boss and my other colleague have hours. Today my boss' boss (or is it bosses' boss?) corned me and asked if I needed to talk to her or if I had any questions. I just said no and walked away. What I really wanted to say was, "yes, but the things I want to tell you would get me fired on the spot."

The other fantastic part is that there are no jobs open in my field in Wausau. I applied to a few in areas that I would have to commute but one I am not qualified for (in my opinion) and we will see on the other. I have never been a huge fan of commuting but it is what it is. I also hate that I am going to go to another company. I do not like job hopping; yet, I have done it a lot in my short career. If only I would have known how good I had it at my first job out of graduate school. I think about that place and the people I worked with often. The grass is not always greener on the other side. Now, Ruston has found a job that is like my first job. He is treated well and is enjoying it very much so it is not like we could move somewhere else for me to find a job (though I still check in Michigan :). I just feel really helpless and I am not sure how to make this situation better. I am not even 100% sure how it is going to unfold until I return in January. Unfortunately, I am not a very patient person. This has really effected my sleep and my mood. I just wish I had a crystal ball so I knew what to do and what my future holds.