Start spending time with the right people

"Start spending time with the right people. These are the people you enjoy, who love and appreciate you, and who encourage you to improve in healthy and exciting ways. They are the ones who make you feel more alive, and not only embrace who you are now, but also embrace and embody who you want to be, unconditionally."-Marc and Angel Hack Life blog. This was the number 1 thing (out of 30) to start doing for yourself. A few other honorable mentions were:

-Start being honest with yourself about everything

-Start facing your problems head on

-Start being yourself

-Start enjoying the things you already have

-Start accepting things when they are less than perfect

-Start concentrating on the things you can control

-Start taking full accountability for your own life

If only I would have implemented these tips years ago! I had to make some hard decisions (and had some hard ones made for me) recently regarding some friendships that I had. These friendships had turned toxic. It was tearing me apart from the inside out. However, I couldn't let go. Last November I was told by a professional psychologist that I needed these specific people (mostly 1 person) out of my life. The psychologist stated that this person in particular was causing undue stress in my life and didn't appreciate me for me. Unfortunately, I had already renewed my membership to the organization that both of us were a part of and wanted to continue my commitment. I thought that maybe I could fix this relationship.

This person had a way of criticizing and pushing their values onto things. They had a way of making you feel terrible. This person did not want to hear what you had to say and could not accept constructive criticism. This person was toxic. Finally, during a meeting when this person was publicly raking my friends and I over the coals, I snapped. I let it all out there. I said the things that I needed to say. Some of the statements I made were mean (true but mean). I honestly do not remember most of it because I feel like I blacked out. It was like someone else took control of my body and gave me the courage to speak up. After this happened I felt good and bad. I was hoping that this person would take what I said to heart and work on changing these habits. The sad part is I would have stayed this person's friend if they would have tried. Instead this person proved to me that I did the right thing. I was immediately deleted by this person and mutual friends of ours on facebook. This person then solicited another mutual friend and told them what a terrible person I was and that they needed to choose between friendships. I was a bit shocked by that behavior (only a bit).

I am a firm believer that things happen for a reason. This was bound to happen. This toxic person is now mostly out of my life. At first I was concerned about what she would tell other people about me. Now, I don't care. If other people chose to believe what she says that is their problem. I haven't figured out what to do if I see this person in public. I am in the process of moving on but I am sure this will brew with this person for years. I am a better person now that this relationship has dissolved. It is always sad to lose a friend but I needed to realize that this person wasn't really my friend. This person did not make me feel alive or embrace and embody who I was or wanted to be. This person talked behind my back, showed up to my important events briefly and to not speak to me except to point out that their spouse has never missed one of these events with the exception of mine. Towards the end of the relationship this person did not invite us (meaning my husband and I) to things but got upset when the "other group" (myself included) hung out together. Yup, I'm glad this person is no longer in my life. I am GLAD that they deleted me from facebook. I am glad to have people in my life who make me laugh and appreciate me for me.